50 Horror Movie Survival Tips

I love watching horror movies, and I’ve always thought about things that I would or wouldn’t do if I were in a horror movie myself. I always feel like I am yelling at characters in movies for the stupid things they are doing, so I wanted to create a list of 50 tips to survive a horror movie. If the characters in horror films had this list, I believe it could save their life. There are many other tips we could all come up with to survive a horror film, but here are my 50 survival tips:

• Don’t read aloud from books.
• Don’t go anywhere alone- you’re much safer in a group.
• Make sure there is always someone who runs slower than you, so that you won’t be the one getting killed!
• Always tie your shoes. You might need to get away fast and you don’t want to trip!
• Never look back to see where the monster/ killer is. Chances are he’s behind you so keep running!
• Always keep a weapon with you. Preferably something that will not break, run out of bullets or need electricity.
• Never investigate the strange noise. Just get out of there!
• Never go wandering in the woods.
• Never go wandering in dark attics or basements.
• Make sure your cellphone is fully charged and with you at all times, in case you need to call 911!
• Don’t drink. You can’t run very fast when you’re drunk.
• Don’t do drugs. You probably won’t see the killer when you’re stoned, until it’s too late.
• Don’t have sex. We all know that the virgin is usually the one who lives.
• Stay away from small, deserted towns. They’re probably deserted for a reason.
• Don’t open closed doors, especially if you hear moaning, scratching, loud breathing, or any other odd noise.
• Don’t look behind the shower curtain. Chances are that the killer will be standing behind you when you do.
• Keep your doors and windows locked! Do not open them for any reason unless you need to escape.
• Know your surroundings. If the power goes out, you need to know how to escape from the area in the dark.
• Don’t bathe, especially if you’re alone in the house/ apartment/ hotel room.
• Don’t go near cemeteries, funeral homes, or any other places where dead things are.
• Never bother or play with dead things- they might not actually be dead!
• If your electronics or appliances start acting strange, i.e. turning on/ off on their own, making weird sounds, etc., leave immediately.
• Don’t be a smart ass; it will only get you killed.
• Beware of animals acting strange or that are following you around.
• Don’t babysit. Being a babysitter never results in anything good.
• If your car runs out of gas, don’t go to an abandoned gas station to find help. Call someone for help with your charged cellphone!
• Don’t go to summer camp, or do any camping in general.
• Don’t go to places such as Haddonfield, Crystal Lake, Elm Street, Amityville, Bates Motel, Woodsboro, or any other area you have heard of from horror movies.
• Don’t play with or go near dolls. They may be possessed and try to kill you.
• Don’t run upstairs! Run out the front door!
• Watch where you’re going when you walk or run somewhere.
• Don’t hide somewhere where there’s only one way to get in or out.
• If you get away from the killer, don’t go back. If your friend/ family member is back there, call the police!
• If your friend is well versed in horror movies, listen to what they tell you! They might help you survive!
• Don’t invite strangers into your house.
• When you get the chance to kill the killer, do it! Don’t shoot him in the arm or hit him once with your shovel, make sure you get the job done i.e. shoot him in the forehead, bash his face in until nothing is left, chop his head off, etc.
• Be quiet, you don’t want the killer to hear you and know where you are!
• Don’t fall asleep.
• If someone calls you and asks you what your favourite scary movie is, don’t tell them. Hang up the damn phone and run!
• Don’t wear glasses. Get contacts because you don’t want your glasses to fall off.
• Don’t watch videos that may be cursed. If you do, you probably won’t be here a week from now.
• Don’t go into haunted houses.
• Don’t go into Michael Myers’ house to investigate.
• Have a dog with you. They can see/ hear the killer when you can’t.
• Don’t wear high heels; they’re hard to run in.
• Don’t ask “Who’s there?” when you hear a strange noise. Just run!
• If it’s Halloween, don’t go out trick or treating or go to a party. Lock all your doors and windows and have a weapon in your hand.
• If you see a man standing beside your clothes line and then he suddenly disappears, make sure your house is all locked up and call the police, a swat team and whatever else your area has available. Chances are you’re going to need it!
• Watch out for zombies, mummies, vampires, people wearing masks, people with any sort of weapon, people who look crazy, hitchhikers, old people, children, or anyone who makes you feel uneasy.
• And, my last tip: Never say “I’ll be right back”, because chances are you won’t be!

What would be your tips to someone trying to survive a horror movie?