I Watched the RoboCop Trailer . . . and I’m Disgusted.

I watched the RoboCop trailer . . . and I’m disgusted.

The Hollywood machine has no shame. Next, they’ll be remaking Die Hard which will include up-to-date alterations such as a dead terrorist with a t-shirt that reads,

“Now I have a machine gun. LOL.”

The first thing that sucks ass about the Robocop trailer is that it ruins Alex Murphy’s demise. In the current version, Alex will be murdered via car bomb. In the original, he was tortured by a gang. You remember – some sick bastards blow his hand off with a shotgun, after which Clarence Boddicker asks, “Can somebody give him a hand?” Damn, I miss those 80′s one-liners so.

Then, Alex gets up and they shoot his arm off! Clarence shouts, “You should’ve worn better ARM-ER!” (He didn’t really say that.) There won’t be that sort of violence in this film because it’s PG f-ing 13!

In the 1987 cut, Robocop goes to his old house and finds that his family has moved on. The audience is shown memories of his wife and son. Sniff. There was some sentimentality in this scene without the cornball-factor. The remake stinks of sappiness.

Clara Murphy’s voice demands to Robocop,”You need to spend more time with your son!” Robocop doesn’t read The Very Hungry Caterpillar, you b****! I have a sinking feeling that there will be lots of hugs and kisses between Robocop and his family before the credits roll. Blat!

Robocop’s new gear looks like it was designed by Steve Jobs and apparently, he can now leap like Spiderman.

Speaking of remakes and bad ideas, Jackie Earle Haley (I’m still upset about A Nightmare on Elm Street) has a role in this; however, what had me excited for a fleeting moment was seeing Michael Keaton. Awesome! Wait, he only has a minor role as some nerd-type OmniCorp employee. If Michael Keaton were cast as Alex Murphy, I might be able to overlook the lack of comedy, the poor CGI and Samuel L. Jackson playing Samuel L. Jackson.

My initial impression after viewing the trailer is that Hollywood is ready to spit on another classic.