Let’s Talk About Sex & Horror Movies

Tonight I’m feeling a little….naughty. Let’s just say I’m in a good mood. So let’s talk about sex. Sex and horror. But I am not simply referring to the bare-breasted girls prancing about seventies grindhouse films. From the sensuality of gothic vampires imbibing on life-giving fluids with the intimacy of a hickie-gone-wild to the doomed trysts of teenage lovers in the darkest corners of the “haunted” houses, sex and horror are almost indistinguishable at times.

The vampire is probably the most erotic creature of the horror film genre. Even the earliest Nosferatu, though terrifying to behold, possessed grace and the mind numbing quality of a hypnotist. Bela Lugosi was the first to enter the scene with the lure of being exotically attractive. His dapper attire and Hungarian accent aided in getting him all the necking he craved. Let’s dissect this little scenario.

You are a lovely young girl with creamy smooth skin, lying in your chamber amidst fluffy goose-down pillows and the flowing chiffon of your nightgown. The window opens silently to reveal a handsome man in a black tuxedo with a billowy cape lined in scarlet. He enters your sanctuary and floats to the bedside. There he gazes longingly upon the alabaster skin of your throat until he can no longer quell his thirst. He leans in to breathe your aroma, his necklace gently tickling your full bosom as it rises and falls. He sinks his teeth into the side of your neck and begins to suckle. You awaken to find him latched onto you like a newborn at the teat but find you cannot resist his desires. You can feel the blood being pulled from your body, but the sensation runs too deep. The pain is too pleasurable. You have no control…and now I need a cold shower.

I have no idea if Julianna Guill can actually act but she is the ultimate Scream Queen in the remake of Friday the 13th. Her sex scene is now legendary!

Fast forward to Frank Langella as Dracula. This film is a veritable pornographic feast for the senses. He is seductive and charming. And this film boasts one of the sexiest vampire love scenes I have ever witnessed. It is not dirty. It is erotic. And if you are in the right frame of mind, it could have you climbing the walls. And certainly when you are in the throes of ecstasy at the hands of such an attractive foe, death doesn’t seem quite so bad.

Sex and death have long been intertwined…at least in thought. The French refer to an orgasm as la Petite Mort, the little death. And why not? They are the basest of primal instincts. We have sex to procreate (theoretically) and we find death frightening because it is the end (again theoretically). Basically we climbed from the primordial ooze to romp naked and avoid sharp objects and creatures with big pointy teeth.

Many films take this personification to the extreme when teenagers do a little bump and grind only to get it from behind…with the downward swish of a razor sharp machete as the soundtrack to their escapades. Society is then wagging its hypocritical finger in judgment of their sins. For sex without babies is a big no-no…haven’t you heard? “And the wages of sin is death.” I think you know whence I retrieved that quote.

In the beginning sex often led to unwanted pregnancies and some rather inconvenient illnesses. But now, with the onslaught of HIV/AIDS, it is a much more dangerous game. A round of good antibiotics will do nothing to rid of us these plagues. Ahhh now we are getting somewhere. Sex and death are closer than ever. One false move and they could both hit you in the same blow…not intended I swear. It seems these thinly veiled morality tales have found their place.

Vampires as well as slashers (and any other sub-genre you choose to include) are simply different paragraphs of the same story; different angles of the same view. They both show us what can happen when we give ourselves over to decadence. They both warn us of the dangers of our invasive hormones. If we have sex, bad things will happen. If we have sex, we will die. Just how much do we as a society wish to shoot ourselves in the foot?

In one fell swoop we are saying that we should avoid the one thing that gives us life in order to…save….our…lives. Right. How Puritanical can you be?

Oh yeah!!! What was I thinking? I completely forgot. It’s okay if we are married and intend to have children. Duh. Whew! I almost let that rule slip entirely from my head. Apparently pre-marital sex affects the memory as well. I’m doomed.